PAVEMENT IS BETTER THAN U2 HOW THAT RELATES TO SPORTS

Partial lyrics to "Stereo" by PAVEMENT ("Brighten The Corners," 1997)

Pigs, they tend to wiggle when they walk
the infrastructure rots
and the owners hate the jocks
with their agents and their dates
if the signatures are checked
you'll just have to wait
and we're counting up the instants that we save
tired nation so depraved
from the cheap seats see us
wave to the camera
it took a giant ramrod
to raze the demon settlement...
but Hi-Ho Silver ride

Interpret them as you will, but Forego is going to go Dennis Kucinich here and continue to use Barry Bonds and Michael Vick stories as "teachable moments."

Would men of every political stripe please look at the lyrics Forego has made bold in the passage above? This is where the canker gnaws, no? Every man thinks that but for one break here or one break there, he could be playing a sport at the najor -league level and would gladly do so at his present salary or even for free. And as much as he loves sports, he's jealous as hell. And then race comes into it. And then if alleged crimes comes into it, all the racial prejudices and jealousy become a toxic cocktail. So, no wonder men ALWAYS side with ownership over players as the default position, never mind during times when sports issues become new issues.

Forego means the vast majority of men, and not just wing-nuts. Even left-wing men, who have no problem with a religio-fascist and friend of Bush like Bono making billions of dollars, have more than a little problem with A-Rod or with Bonds or even with McGwire. How funny is that? Lots of inferences to draw here. "Uppity" comes to mind. That these three athletes are also very bright comes to mind. That they have been outspoken about their -- iconclastic, macho-culture smashing -- use of psychotherapy comes to mind. And then there's the money.

We're going deep into baseball history, economics, finance and tax law here, so either buckle your seat belt, or go elsewhere if this bores you. Bill Veeck, who was actually rather pro-player as owners go, came up with a win-win solution in the years following the Messersmith/McNally/Hunter (pick your case) which brought an end to baseball's "reserve clause" and brought in free-agency. Veeck, who always operated on a shoe-string budget, knew he was going to have problems keeping his White Sox at least somewhat competitive in this new era. So, he came up with a novel idea. Arguing that the players were not only employees of the team but also the product of the business, he ought to be entitled to deduct for tax purposes not only their salaries as current expenses but also that the players themselves should receive capital asset treatment under the IRS code as something akin to property, plant and equipment or inventory and he ought to be able to depreciate them under some agreed-to schedule, like, say the way racehorses or conveyor belts are treated in the code.

Veeck won his argument. So, for tax purposes a year of Alex Rodriguez's $25 million salary (let's simplify this and say the Yankees bear the whole load), is written of as a current expense and the player "Alex Rodriguez" would be a capital asset of the New York Yankees (again, for simplicity's sake, let's say the Yankees had his whole 6-year, $150 million contract, and were using a 5-year ACRS depreciation scheduled). Under this scenario, very roughly speaking, his contract would be his value as a capital asset discounted to its present value, let's say at 7%, which gives "Alex Rodriguez" a value of roughly $120 million. In Year 1 with the Yankees, 20% of that could be written off. In Year 2, 40%. And the remainder can be written off using double-declining balance system.

So, let's take a look at Year 2. The Yankees write-off $25 million for his salary as a current expense and 40% of his value as a capital asset as depreciation: $120 million X 40% = $48 million. My God, the man's paying the Yankees! That's $73 million in write-offs. And, puh-leeze, don't tell Forego that baseball teams lose money, least of all the Yankees.

Stephen Malkmus is probably right that the "owners hate the jocks" but they damned well shouldn't. Whether Joe or Josephine Sports-fan chooses to also hate the jocks is their business, but if they do, here's Forego's suggestion: they should stop following sports and maybe take up home-canning. Or stamp collecting. Or voting. Wait, on second thought, that last idea isn't so good. Scratch that.

Oh yeah, why is Pavement better than U2? Because the sky is high and pigs don't fly (the tend to wiggle when they walk). And because -- like -- Bono's a born-again butt-munch and...Stephen Malkmus is -- like -- cool.

Good Luck from Forego, a poor-skin head without a dollar